Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we should paint friendship bongs
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
