U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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