You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The ass gains better be worth it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
