I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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