yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
