Cold hands, warm shart.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
