this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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