i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
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It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
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If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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