I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
