All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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