Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
