I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
