Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
