i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
