I hate your face
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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