The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
