you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
