Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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