we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do vagina's smell?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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