Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
