phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
