The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.