you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow