Soap is not a condiment
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
she told me i tasted like america
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...