It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.