Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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