So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
