I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
