new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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