the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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