Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
