dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
