all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
