Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
