i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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