i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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