Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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