allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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