i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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