Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
