The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
