I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
