I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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