the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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