I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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