This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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