I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
