at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
