the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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