Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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