Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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