3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
