i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
