you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
