you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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