the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
