I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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