I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize