I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
