I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
