We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
