Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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