God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
