there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
don't judge my taste in strippers
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
