Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
