dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
