I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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