he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
