Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
