the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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