it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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