Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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