it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
