Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
