I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
