ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
